I Will Be This Mum I Won’t Be That Mum

Here is the mum I envisaged myself being. All whilst wearing a frilly apron, holding a cherry pie – fresh from the oven. We can ‘lol’ about that later.

I will listen and respond to everything my children say

Even when it makes no sense. How could any parent become bored of this, it’s cute right? (that mum rolls her eyes, who can peel potatoes with a toddler clinging to your leg shouting ‘is that a digger?’ 100 times over ‘YES, IT’S A FUCKING DIGGER’ – although that mum doesn’t resort to swearing in response)

We will go out everyday

Because I need to make the most of my time with them now, while they’re small and easy (that mum chuckles at this statement). The fresh air will do us all the power of good and help the children sleep, they’ll be sleeping through early on, all that fresh air. (that mum aims to go out most days and fails most days, ‘Tesco it is kids, get your shoes on’)

I will cook everything from scratch

After giving up work, I will have plenty of time to prepare meals and ‘batch cook’, no jars in this house. (that mum relied on jars with her first and has a few back-up jars for lazy evenings with her second)

My children will never eat junk food

They will be so used to eating fruit and veg as snacks, that seeing crisps and chocolate will repulse them. (that mum keeps naughty treats in the cupboard, for the children. Sometimes for use as a snack, mostly for use as a bribe)

My children won’t watch TV

Why would they want to watch TV when we have a large collection of books to be read? (that mum uses TV as a tool, a distraction to have 5 minutes, 20 minutes, an hour, to sit, just sit)

My house will always be immaculate

I won’t be at work, which means I will have plenty of time to clean and tidy. I will ensure all food is eaten in the kitchen. How messy can kids be? (that mum sees no point in tidying until the children are asleep, they never sleep, therefore she never tidies)

I won’t let myself go

After each baby has been born I will lose all the baby weight and continue eating healthily, what a perfect example for my children. (that mum shudders at the thought of eating healthily, while she devours an entire bag of Maltesers, a sharing bag)

I will never shout at my children in public

My children will be so well-behaved there will be no need to discipline them in public, how common. (that mum not only gives the toddler a ‘telling off’ in public, but will also give a timeout and when all else fails, that mum will dump all shopping and leave via the nearest exit, screaming toddler in hand)

I will enjoy every second of parenting

I get to spend all day, every day with my children, a very lucky privilege. (that mum sometimes wishes she could be anywhere at all, by herself, just for an hour)