Before you have children you have so much time for each other, plenty of time to enjoy romantic dinners, trips away and no-one to steal either of your attention. Once you have a child that all disappears and the romance can easily fade away and instead you turn in to a pair of human beings co-habiting under the same roof arguing over who did the last night feed.
After we had our son (our first) we were slowly losing our romance in our sleep deprived state. We just stopped taking time for each other, we lived and breather our new baby. I didn’t realise how far apart a child could push two people ‘in love’ I always thought a baby, if anything, would bring you closer together (too many chick flicks). But no, I soon realised this perfect, amazing little baby can unknowingly cause us to drift apart and forget what it is we love about each other. Luckily our relationship was a strong one to begin with so any arguments or disagreements we had (from being so tired and overwhelmed) we just forgot.
A baby takes up so much time and attention from parents it is so easy for romance to slowly creep out of the door. Once we were less overwhelmed and catching up on a bit more sleep, I remember realising seeing Darren in a completely different way. He wasn’t just my partner anymore he was the father of our baby too. Why haven’t we had a conversation in weeks? What was the last thing we spoke about other than baby bits? When did we last watch a film or even a tv programme together? I couldn’t remember anything. We were putting so much effort into our son that we forgot to put any effort into our relationship. Here is a list of small easy things we do that brought the romance element back into our relationship:
Not just when he goes to work or we go to sleep but just because. Who doesn’t love a random kiss from someone you love?
In the day I try to get as much done as possible so when he gets home there is a certain amount of the evening where we aren’t bound to chores and the children are asleep. This time is sometimes just half an hour or it can be much longer it’s all chore and child dependant. This time is so important, we talk about the children when he first gets in and they’re awake, but when they’re asleep we just talk.
Following on from my last point, talking and communicating with each other is a great way to feel close to each other. Sometimes we talk about a whole lot of nothing, sometimes we have serious talks and sometimes we just talk about funny times and be really silly with each other. We do know each other extremely well and more than anyone else could know us but it’s easy to lose each other in the mist of children. So having a chat every day keeps us connected and it’s nice to talk about things other than kiddie things (they do usually come up in some kind of conversation still, how could they not :).
We used to have our soap that we watched EVERY night together whether we watched it at 8pm or 10pm we enjoyed that time. We don’t watch that anymore but we watch other things together, not every night now but watching something together on TV keeps a common interest and we chat about what we’re watching while we watch it. If we see something that’s due on TV we will both enjoy then we record it and make the time to watch it together, it’s almost like date night.
Whether it’s once a week or once a month it’s the perfect way to keep romance in your relationship. If you have someone to look after the children while you both go out to dinner, bingo or a movie then take advantage of it! We have moved just a little too far now so our date nights consist of a takeaway and something juicy on TV, he even lights candles sometimes! How romantic! Our date nights are perfect for us we can enjoy our food, good tv, each others company, all in the comfort of our own home.
We speak a few times a day on the phone but we both enjoy getting a simple text message that just says ‘I love you’ or anything else nice.
Darren loves it when I tell my friends and family how amazing and helpful he is. It’s true he’s a brilliant dad and he’s a perfect partner. He works hard and he knows I do to so we both appreciate being recognised for everything we do. I think it’s sweet of him to be so pleased when I’ve talked him up to someone.
Children are such a blessing to a family and we are lucky for the two we have. But children are also extremely hard work at times and put quite a pressure on a relationship because we take our tiredness and our tough days out on each other. We will still be snappy with each other occasionally but we will do what we can to keep our relationship strong and keep it romantic by doing all of the above. Is there anything else you do?