How To Prepare Your Home For Children In 11 Easy Steps

If you’re about to have children, or you’re about to wean your baby, or perhaps that baby is turning into a toddler, you will need to prepare your home. By following this guide, the shock of such changes won’t be as large, as you’ll already be living parent life in a readily prepared home.

(Not a serious guide unless you really want to prepare yourself)

1.. Take every cereal box, empty the entire contents across the kitchen floor. Then jump on it

2.. Pour milk onto your sofa, turn the heating up and leave for 5 days (this covers spilled milk and sick stains)

3.. Make a bowl of porridge and rub into your lounge carpet

4.. Only ever walk into the house if your shoes are covered in mud. Don’t worry about mopping this up

5.. Eat some Wotsits and run upstairs, shaking half the Wotsits out of the bag. Run back downstairs, making sure to stand on each Wotsit

6.. Grab a fish slice and dent a door

7.. Serve a bowl of Bolognese, do not eat. Throw your bowls at each other, mostly hitting the walls and much of the floor

8.. Pour every, single drink you have onto the floor. This works best when on carpet

9.. Empty the entirety of your kitchen cupboards into the room. Leave it there

10.. Randomly place plug sockets around the house, to mimic the toys you will soon be standing on, and crying about

11.. Place a block of cheese somewhere in the house, never give a hint as to where it is and never remove

 

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