Preparing Your Partner For Fatherhood

It goes without saying that becoming a parent is a huge shock to the system. There is no way to prepare yourselves, everyones experience is different just as much as every baby is different. However, if you’re looking to prepare your partner for the evenings he will be coming home to, once you’re both settled into parenting, then here is the best preparation:

  1. Purchase a large bag of flour. As soon as soon as he walks through the door, hand him the flour and burst into tears.
  2. Mix a concoction of flour and water, then rub into his shoulder and down his back. Then say ‘oh dear darling, the baby has been sick’ throw him a kitchen towel and walk off
  3. Sit the bag of flour in a chair. Make yourself some beans on toast, throw half down your partner, some down the bag of flour and the rest on the floor. Start crying.
  4. Find an animal and ask him to put a nappy on it. A small, restless pig would work well.
  5. Eat some cat food, ask him to smell the bag of flours’ bum, then burp in his face.
  6. Is he about to eat a biscuit? Not on your watch! Take it. If you eat snacks in front of children, be prepared to share (give it all away)
  7. Play Disney theme songs continuously, throughout the evening, while obnoxiously singing along
  8. Attach a hose to your bath taps, cover the entire bathroom in water. Call your partner up. His turn.
  9. Lay in bed with the bag of flour between you and cry on its behalf
  10. Set your alarm for 10pm, 1am, 3am and each time set your fire alarms off, then assure him that it’ll settle itself
  11. Get up at 5am, latest


Did he survive? He’s ready!

You Baby Me Mummy


6 thoughts on “Preparing Your Partner For Fatherhood

  1. Funniest post ever you have to come link this with #mummyandus at I am trying to talk my hubby into a fourth child yes crazy I know, so far he is saying a big NO, I am thinking this post won’t convince him, but will make him laugh!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! OK I will, it’ll be tomorrow if the link is still live? By the fourth you’re a dab hand! It’ll be no effort at all, that can be your argument for having another 🙂


  2. Pingback: My Blog Library | August 2015 | Dad Without A Map

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