How Having Children Has Made Me Understand My Own Mum

My mum is a great one. She’s a straight down the line kind of woman, there is no filter with her and she has no shame, she stands in her own truth. I admire that about her. Sometimes I hide behind my hands and think ‘shut up, for the love of God woman, shut up’ because some things she says can be construed as quite (very) offensive. Which is meant with as little offence as possible.

Growing up we always had a bumpy relationship she has ‘mum rage’ which I have now inherited and no longer judge her for. We would argue, a lot, a plate or such would be thrown on occasions. But when the shit hit the fan she was my go-to, the only person I would cry to and now, since I’ve become a mum myself, she’s the only person who understands the struggle I’m having adjusting to motherhood (still after two years, they keep changing!).

Growing up I never understood my mum. Why she was often so angry, why she would lose her shit over the smallest thing. Not realising the day she’s just been enduring, has led to this ‘smallest thing’ pushing her over the edge. I see myself now as a watered down version. The days events of spilt porridge which seems to dry instantly on the floor like glue, fighting over toys, refusing to eat and having a full blown tantrum for no bloody reason, makes me slightly shouty and tearful towards the end of the day.

I’ve learnt from my mum parenting styles that work. Discipline is very important and the way in which it’s implemented is equally important. I understand now how she felt when she lost her temper and also how she felt afterwards. I’m also able to remember how I felt as I child on the end of this and tone down my shouty voice mid-temper and instead opt for a quick break in the bathroom for some peace.

We can now bond over our struggles as parents, as it turns out, my children were a lot like me! My daughter is a horrendous sleeper and has been known to cry for a solid hour (while I hold her in tears myself asking, why? and feeling like a terrible mother), that no amount of settling can tame. I was the same! She can now nod in sympathy that I’m experiencing the years of a sleepless parent.

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We also bond over how beautiful, amazing and funny my children are. The only way is up!


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