The Disastrous Night Away

During the Christmas period last year we planned to go and visit family overnight. With a 6 week old baby and 1 year old in tow. This was a fairly risky decision because our toddler would be bunking up in a room with us, nothing good would come from that. But we thought sod it, lets risk it, maybe they’ll surprise us and sleep well.

We are ever the optimists.

Everything went extremely well. Apart from carsickness on the journey. We put both children down to sleep, trying to keep things as routine as possible. We were determined we were going to make this work. Bedtime went well.

Then it was our bedtime.

We crept into the bedroom, making sure every light was out and our footsteps were silent. We were not quite at the bed when we hear a ‘ping’, that ping was our toddlers eye opening. We stood completely still, hoping that statuism would make us invisible. It didn’t. He stood up instantly and burst into tears.

What the actual frog are we meant to do now? He will never go back to sleep with us in the room and we can’t leave him to wail in someone elses house. Sod it, he’s coming in our bed with some milk. After a long while of shushing and plying him with milk, he eventually fell asleep between us.

Then he woke up.

More milk, more shushing and insults being thrown across the bed at each other. ‘This was your idea’ and all that rubbish. He fell asleep again.

We then went through a good few hours of him waking every half hour. He must have drunk about 2 pints of milk. Then he fell asleep until 9am.

Just kidding!

He projectile vomited everywhere. When I say everywhere I mean all down me, all down his dad, all down himself and all over the bed. Shit the bed. Or sick the bed. If we were home this would be easily rectified as we have waterproof everything, in preparation for times like this. But unfortunately this was someone elses mattress, absolutely sodden with sick.

We then stripped ourselves, our toddler and the bed. Made do with all being in our underwear and created a make shift duvet with towels. All the excitement brought me to tears, Mr Firstooth calmed me and our exhausted toddler down until we somehow nodded off again.

Then the toddler woke up. Again! Hurrah!

This time he woke up, gave his dad a really hard slap round the face, to wake him up of course. Then rolled around the bed in hysterics. When he saw us find it funny, he opened his palm up for a round of daddy slapping. This really came out of nowhere. What made him wake up and think ‘I know, I fancy giving someone a slap round the face’. This was all around 4am and when all the hysteria died down, we managed to sleep until 6am.

Then the baby woke.

What happened to our 6 week old baby all night? She was competing for the award of ‘favourite child of the night’ and that she was, because she slept through, whilst her brother soaked our mattress in sick and started a slap-off with his dad.

Of course the rest of the family heard everything. I’m not surprised, between laughing, crying and sheet changing, I’m sure they wondered what the hell was going on. We came down the next morning looking like complete train-wrecks. Apart from the baby who had a heavenly nights sleep.


Sharing a room with your children – not worth it whatsoever, opt for separate rooms when you can!

Modern Dad Pages



23 thoughts on “The Disastrous Night Away

  1. Oh no, what a disaster! This really made me laugh, especially the bit about him slapping Daddy- I can so picture my little boy doing this! And just typical that was the night the baby slept through!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my God. I love it! The article that is. I’m sure it wasn’t fun at the time. At least you got a good blog out of it.

    We’ve tried the shared room thing. It never works well. Somehow our footsteps are never stealth enough. Thanks for sharing! #effitfriday

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Do we have the same children?????? Except my second darling boy has yet to win the favourite child award by sleeping through the night! I’ve definitely overplied with milk to projectile vomit through the nose and hysteria. Lesson learnt. Never done again!! X

    P.s. I’m on time with comments thanks for linking with #effitfriday

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my goodness that’s just the best story I’ve read in a while! Children are always willing to throw us the craziest of circumstances just to see what we do!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh no what an eventful night! Had me in stitches, though it must not have been fun at all for you! My toddler loves to slap Daddy to wake him up too though, so I can relate! #twinklytuesdays

    Liked by 1 person

  6. We had to stop co-sleeping as a “go-to-sleep-you-little-sod” solution when RJ decided the best wakeup call was a short sharp finger up the nostril. He was also once sick on my face just as I was nodding off…#twinklytuesday

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Haha! Bless you — what a nightmare!! We always share a room with our boys — since they were 5 months old they’ve been sleeping in these amazing pop-up sleep tents from Koo-Di. They’re like a travel cot, tent style. They sleep well — and so do we! Would highly recommend them!! 😉 Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday — hope to see you again next week! x

    Caro |

    Liked by 1 person

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