How To Confidently Answer ‘Those’ Common Questions

I am guilty of asking the same questions. Holds hands up. I couldn’t imagine the reaction to these answers, all in a sarcastic tone of course!

1. When are you having your next child? Well, we were thinking of getting at it pretty soon actually. Our second is now a few weeks old and I’m crying almost on a daily basis, so why not add another into the mix.
2. Are you sure you won’t have any more? I will let you decide, you seem very convinced two children is not quite enough for my family so how many should I have? Should we stop at five? Who will pay for these children, will you pay for them?
3. Does Mr Firstooth ever get to relax? No. When he gets home, that’s it for me, I’m off the clock. He has to feed and bath the children single-handedly, followed by preparing me dinner, cleaning the dishes, building a shed all while I put my feet up and watch TV. Talking of feet, he better hurry up chopping the firewood because they need rubbing!
4. Will dinner be ready when I get home? Of course! Would you like to know what you’re having? Shall I make it a three-course event? Hang on, I will just lock the kids in the cupboard and get on with it.
5. Oh, I see you haven’t prepared your family meal for this evening? No, I never prepare a meal. That’s what Mr Firstooth does once he gets home from work, remember. Sometimes we will get a family bucket for the baby and toddler too.
6. Are you thinking about going back to work? Didn’t I tell you? We won the lottery! I need never work again.
7. Are you busy next week? In what respect? Because technically I’m (never) free as a bird, I’m a stay at home mum so I tend to sip tea all day and watch reality TV while the children play harmoniously together.