- Those free minutes on your phone plan will finally be used on a regular basis. Due to phoning family and friends begging them to come round because you’re ‘just not cut out for this shit’ and questioning the decision to have two practically a year apart.
- You’ll never be at risk of scolding, due to a hot drink. Because you will no longer have the luxury of a hot drink, you will learn to love hot drinks, being cold. Or you will at least tolerate it.
- You’ll discover wine in a way you’ve never seen it before. It really will take the edge off any bad day. That and an amount of sippy cup throwing.
- You’ll be able to watch daddy go to pieces (like you do regularly) when he is in full control for a day. Taking care of the children all day is easy is it? *sarcastically laughing* ‘Why don’t you have them Saturday while I nip out to the shops then’ (for a good 6 hours)
- You’ll learn to cope on little or no sleep (I’m lying you won’t, but you will survive)
- You’ll never have to wait for a ‘full load’ of washing. Because everyday after numerous sick scenarios and meals that end up covering every person in the house (and the wall and the cat) you will always have a ‘full load’, how bloody practical.
- You get to watch people want to ask the question of ‘were they planned?’ but feel uncomfortable to take the leap and ask, every time you say their ages. Instead they will say ‘wow, that’s close’ or ‘you must have your hands full’ no shit.
- An excuse to not exercise for around three years. You’re either carrying a baby or recovering from a birth, carrying another baby and recovering again. It’s much easier to eat everything in the house and watch any ‘real housewives’ series while they’re napping.
- You will no longer care about what people think. You have no time to dwell on what people are thinking as you’re chasing after you’re toddler up the wine aisle, screaming his name, after he’s just knocked down an entire tower of cereal boxes, yes, this happened in Tesco.
- You will be out of the hard part of baby-hood, before the majority of people you know have another child. When other mums are explaining how many times they got up last night or the nappy they just changed, that leaked through every single layer of clothing, you can sit back, sigh, and feel slightly smug that you have been there and you’ve done it.
- You will be teaching your eldest baby valuable life lessons. Like, how to take the battery out of every single toy and say ‘sorry darling, they’re all broken’ or how to pretend you can’t hear anything when both children are crying in the car *rolls down window and turns up music to
drown out noisekeep everyone calm*
My bonus point is that through all the tough times and the tears (not to mention nappy mountain) they are a blessing and to top it off, when the baby isn’t biting and the toddler isn’t pushing (or using the baby as a ride-on toy) they are best friends. We love them so very much.