- Cries. I will get the obvious one out of the way first.
- Develops a cough. Not just any cough, it’s a fake cough. This one will catch you out most of the time, are they ill? They seem fine, because they are fine. The crafty devils.
- Hover near the oven, but only when it’s on. This way you drop tools instantly and rush over to pick them up and move them away. They then cry when you put them down. While you bang your head against the worktop.
- The one time you forget to close the baby-gate, they will crawl towards the stairs faster than a greyhound racing at the tracks. You will then surprise yourself at the speed in which you reach the scene. Nothing makes a parent move faster than a baby flirting with danger.
- When the post arrives your baby will turn into a dog and start eating the letters, the very moment they are posted through the door. You then spend a significant amount of time examining your baby and picking off tiny chewed up pieces of paper. It was a bill anyway, they’re only doing what you wish you could do.
- Attach themselves to your leg. This takes attachment parenting to a new level, since you literally have a baby attached to your leg the entire time you are indoors. This usually leads to being picked up or you standing still in the hope they will get bored. Either way, you are fully engaged!
- Behave like they are being kidnapped every time someone other than you holds them.
- Learn to climb.