- They sleep all the time. Sure, they don’t sleep continuously through the night. They’re the only reason you get out of bed, a dozen times, every night. But during the day you can get washing done, have a shower, eat a meal and nap yourself. You lucky bugger.
- They can be easily lulled into drunken stupor by keeping them milked. They are at their happiest during a feed and they actually drink their milk. Boob or bottle they will take it and are satisfied with just that. They don’t cry because the bottle or plate is blue and they wanted the purple one, not that you would know they want the purple one, you can’t understand what on earth they are saying through their angry tears.
- You are enough. You are all they need, not toys, TV or different types of food bribery to keep them happy. It’s just you they want to see. Once they’re older they actually get quite bored of you and welcome interaction from any person, other than you. This is a great way to stop a tantrum, by having a stranger speak to your child, the tears stop instantly (even though when you look there were no bloody tears anyway, fooled again!).
- When you put them somewhere, that is where they stay. They won’t disappear into the abyss the second their bum touches the floor. They can travel around the house with you in a bouncy chair or moses basket, unable port themselves into the bathroom, threatening to climb in the toilet.
- They’re safe. Once children are mobile, stairs, sockets, drawers, ornaments, roads, strangers (endless list) all becomes a danger to them. Yet they will flirt with this danger at every possible opportunity. Newborns are unable to make your heart fly out of your chest with that fear. Your biggest fear with a newborn is their breathing, milk intake and poo colour (oh, the glamour). These fears are still present as they get older and will accompany thousands of others, some you would never even have thought of (like changing one childs nappy on the floor, while the other races over to explore the nappy filled with shit, can they not smell the offensive stench?)
- Newborns can’t say no. In-fact they can’t talk at all. They can’t demand ‘Peppa!’ hundreds of times a day or chips and cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Newborns have no concept of doing anything, so they don’t have the concept of refusing anything. Ah, bliss!