Our son, who is now almost 2, was definitely a planned baby or more we knew we wanted to start a family then. After he was born we agreed on having a second child in a few years. So I just never imagined that a few months later we would fall pregnant with our second!
I started feeling a little different and I did have a feeling that I should just see, but I kept thinking ‘it’s all in your head’ and I was just convincing myself I was pregnant instead of actually being pregnant. Luckily, I had plenty of tests left over from the hundreds of tests I did with my son (I don’t know why I kept them but lucky I did!). I just woke up and thought well these have to be used so why not? I really stared at the test thinking ‘there’s the first line, oh I miss being pregnant, I miss taking the positive tests, maybe I’ll be disappointed when I see no second line, oh crap, there’s a second line! There’s a second line!’. It was such a mixture of emotions and I felt like it was such the wrong time, so soon, I just cried and called my partner.
When I called my partner to tell him, he was so calm about it, he just said ‘now is not the right time, I don’t think now is the right time but don’t worry’. The reason it was almost a negative for us to see a positive result is because we had a rough few months with Mason and squeezing a 4th person into our house no matter how small the person was would be difficult. I was so scared of what our lives could turn into and would it tear our family apart because of the stress?
I couldn’t picture taking care of another baby so soon because I couldn’t picture my baby then, growing and becoming more independent. I wish I knew then what I know now and that whole day would have been one where we could celebrate. I was also scared of how people would think of us, that didn’t influence our decision but we’re both so baby-faced as parents that people might think we’re teens just popping out kids, which couldn’t be further from the truth. We’ve worked extremely hard for everything and to provide for our children, we’re very grateful that we’re able to work and that my partner has a career that can now provide for us all.
The appointment for a termination ended up being made after a week of back and forth wondering what is best for our son and family. In my head the whole time I knew there was NO WAY I would have a termination, I just went along with the idea of it, too sensitive to speak up. I could picture this tiny little bean in my tummy, like I could with my son and that baby was MINE to take care of, no matter what the circumstances. I was getting in the car to go to the appointment and my partner called ‘we can do this’ he just kept saying ‘don’t go there, we can do this’ he was upset and so was I, but my tears were relief! I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t have called, maybe just driven past the appointment back home and just grown a huge tummy. From then we were so excited, I just can’t believe we were being so irrational about it to begin with but there were a lot of other things at the time making it seem impossible.
We spoke a lot about how our parents would feel to have another grandchild so soon after all of their first grandchild. Our happiness just overtook it all and we were always going to have 2 so why not now?
My parents were surprised but very pleased especially when they found out it was a girl they said everyone has got the best of both! My partners parents were surprised and it took a while to sink in but once it did they jumped on the pink bandwagon too!
Looking back on those days, weeks and months makes me emotional to think about the journey we went on from shocked to over the moon, but we feel so lucky and blessed that this unexpected surprise has brought so much love to our whole family. Our son just adores her, she changed a lot in our life for the better, our lovely new home and our son gets to grow with his sister, not remembering a time without her. The positives for us having 2 so close together are realised more and more everyday. Plus the first 4 months were a breeze! I thought I’d be going grey by now but I found it easier having 2 than I found it just having 1, perhaps because we were so used to it and already had our little routine, what’s 1 more bum to change?
Our unexpected baby was a very big shock but the perfect addition to our crazy family. But that’s it! We’ve always said 2 and 2 is what we are lucky enough to have, the shop is now closed!